We start today’s post with a philosophical question. Do birthdays matter? Different people will no doubt give different responses. I have compiled a list of what I think are the major milestones in life.
1. So you have your first year under your belt. Maybe you can walk, maybe not. You probably aren’t flying solo to the bathroom yet. You get to smash cake into your face while the rest of us talk about how cute you are. Enjoy!
5. We’ve enjoyed you enough, so it’s time to go to kindergarten and terrorize someone else.
6. Now you get to go to school. We take photos of you with your new lunch box and backpack.
10. Congratulations! You’re all grown up. Now you are in the double digit club.
12. FYI, you are NOT a teenager yet.
13. Finally, you’re a teenager. More homework. Heavier textbooks. Lots of drama.
16. Sweet sixteen. Finally, you can drive. That’s if you can convince Dad. More drama.
18. Graduation. Moving day. Have fun at college. No college?… Get a job! Thanks for coming.
20. You’re not a teenager anymore. Stop the drama. Hopefully you’re still at college. Thinking of dropping out, well, you better hope you’re Bill Gates.
21. University is calling. Make the family proud. Dad is counting on you for retirement.
25. Cheap insurance, at last! Graduate to the real world. Find a job. Now we find out if you picked a good major or not.
(Ladies only) 29. Birthdays still matter, but we don’t count anymore.
30. You stop feeling young. You’re an adult. Probably have kids and lots of bills. Fun times.
35. You start analyzing life more. Maybe you change careers. The body feels less indestructible. The belly grows.
40. You get an ugly picture in the paper with a lordy, lordy, look who’s forty caption. Welcome to middle age. Things start to hurt a bit. Belly keeps growing.
50. Time for another picture with a nifty, nifty, look who’s fifty caption. Life is flying by. You probably have grandkids who you spoil and load up with candy, before you drop them off at their parents house. Revenge is sweet. Your mid- life crisis should be in full swing. Nice belly.
60. Luckily, you don’t get that picture in the paper. Mainly because nobody has come up with a rhyme for sixty. You give up on getting rid of the belly and decide to eat what you want. You only live once right? The grandkids are old enough to enjoy those embarrassing stories about their parents. More revenge.
65. Retirement is here, or at least your Old Age Pension is. You might have to start greeting at Walmart to make ends meet. If you have money, maybe you buy a winnebago and travel. Maybe you start playing golf or lawn bowling.
70. Nobody can rhyme this one either, so you’re off the hook. We buy you a cake and have a party. People you don’t remember show up and tell you how great you look. You probably get to add the word great to your name.
80. This one definitely lands you back in the paper. We love you more now, so we use a twenty year old picture that makes you look good. We have a big party with cake. People you don’t recognize show up and tell you how great you look. Where were they the last ten years?
90. More cake. This year you get to eat junk food if you want. If you’re lucky you add another great to your name.
100. Huge cake. Even bigger party. People you’ve never met show up and tell you how young you look. Where were they the last sixty years?
So did we figure out if birthdays matter? I know how to find out. Just forget your significant other’s birthday, and you’ll find out pretty quick. That might be dangerous for your health. Did any of you ever do that? I haven’t, but I’ve had a few close calls. Thanks Kayla.
At the Munn household, we have an age old tradition of Dairy Queen ice cream cake. From here, my wife and I usually indulge in a Chinese buffet. Possibly flowers for her. Although the rate of return on that investment is rather low. The kids usually gravitate towards a pizza party and a million presents.
What are your birthdays traditions? Leave us a comment and let us know.