The most important thing you must recognize is that this romance thing may be difficult for your husband to grasp. Secondly, if he does have a good grasp of the subtle emotional cues that are a part of being romantic, your husband may not have the focus, time, energy, imagination, or skill to get it just right. Lastly, he may not know just how important the emotional connection that romance makes possible is to you.
The truth about your husband; (if you need to sit down please do so now) romance is just not very high on his list of relationship needs. How can you know this for sure? Well, if romance were more important to him – there would be more romance. It is not much more complicated than that. If you are still conscious and reading, prepare yourself for the next bit of reality. Romance is important to him only:
- To the extent that he knows it is important to you.
- And, to the extent that he gets some benefit from being romantic.
Ouch! That last one can be fairly tough to accept. Does this mean he doesn’t love you? Absolutely not! Simply put, your husband just has a different way of expressing his love for you. Maybe your husband feels that by working hard and meeting the family’s financial needs; this is expressing love far better than a love letter. This is neither good nor bad. It just is the way it is. The important consideration is that this way – his way – of expressing love does not match your way of feeling loved. Make a change here and you have unlocked the door to greater romance and emotional fulfillment in the relationship.
If you take a moment to think like a man, you will be better able to understand how to improve your situation.
- Do you know how you and your girlfriends can talk for hours about your feeling and possibilities for why someone should do something? Well – men don’t and more importantly won’t. Give a man a simple logical reason to do something and you are good to go.
- Do you know how you and your girlfriends can come up with lots of ways to be romantic, really focusing the subtle parts that pull it all together for a wonderful evening or gift? Well – men don’t and more importantly can’t. Most men were not raised to focus on the little nuances of personal interaction that women so easily recognize. Give a man an easy to follow set of instructions and you are on your way.
- Do you know how you remember all the anniversaries, birthdays, holiday etc? You guessed it – men probably won’t. Give a man a set of reminders and you have a sure thing.
Combine the three elements above – a reason, set of instructions, and reminders – and you have the greatest possibility for changing your relationship. The challenge is to create a situation where all the important elements come together in a way that your husband does not feel like he is being nagged or manipulated. The good news is that there are several opportunities for you. One choice is a relationship coach who specializes in this area marriage development. The bad news is that many men will be very resistant to this idea and the cost could be out many family budgets. The second and better option is Romantic Outsourcing.
Using the interactive capabilities of the internet, your husband can be reminded of your anniversaries (with enough time to plan something special), birthdays and special occasions, receive regular romantic ideas and get reinforcement from other men who are interested in improving their marriages as well. While many of these sites are basic, a few are full-featured. Even better, some sites are both full-featured and free. Romantic Outsourcing can provide your husband with everything he needs to transform himself into a romantic knight in shining armor.
Before you say, “No way. Not my husband. He will never do it.” Check out a Google search for “Romantic Outsourcing” and see what the possibilities are. The really interesting thing is that most men seem to become quite comfortable with this romance thing after just a few weeks. Give it a try. You have all the romance to gain, and nothing to lose.